Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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