Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
