I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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