Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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