Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
