you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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