the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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