apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
