You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
