So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
