She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
