it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
