12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
