the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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