I'm really into asian looking animals
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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