I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
