brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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