Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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