Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
