She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
