i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
