Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
