im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
