she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
