I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
