what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
