I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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