Tell her she can't have a vagina
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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