We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
