we have pet lesbian snakes
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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