Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
