My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
