The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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