i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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