I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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