you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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