Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
