I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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