What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
