I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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