i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
