Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
