fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
