I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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