I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
