Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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