Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
