toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
someone threw a dead crab at me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
