She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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