im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
