Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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