If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
