Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
