i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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