is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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